Diary: Jay Wyse

It's February 3rd, two days before I release my Nine Twenty Five album and I'm definitely excited.  Woke up this morning in a good state of mind even though it's raining and I have to head in to my 9-5. It's funny because when people see me at work they give me an odd look like, "hey don't you rap?"Of course my reply is yes. It's like they don't expect me to have a job, though. At this point in my musical career I have to stay with a job in order to fund the music and balance daily life. I honestly think that makes some people take to me more easily, realizing that yes I have a dream that I'm pursuing, but at the same time, I'm out here working like you are.

Music was never something that I wanted to do since I was younger, instead it came at a time in my life where nothing was going right. I mean of course we all may have rapped lyrics to our favorite songs but that was about it for me until 2011. In 2009 I got shot and was facing a gun charge, and in 2010 my best friend (Biscuit) was killed. Imagine holding your best friend trying to talk to him and keep him here while he lays on the ground with a bullet hole in his head. It will change you forever. Especially when the previous year it was him at the foot of my hospital bed. I turned to music seriously then in order to express myself and keep his name alive. The more and more I wrote the more and more my passion and love for music grew. Today I can't imagine how life would have been if i didn't seriously start to pursue music. I've had opportunities come my way that I would have never garnered without music and for that I'm thankful. I'm not the most religious guy but I do believe in God and I do believe that certain things may happen in order for other things to occur if that makes any sense. God works in mysterious ways they say.

It's almost time for me to clock back in now. My job isn't hard at all, but who really wants to work for someone else's company all their life? A lot of times I think about quitting but then I'd really be a "struggling rapper" ha ha. So for now I'll balance the job and the music.

Stream Jay Wyse's album, Nine Twenty Five.  

Diary: Marisa Kang

How do we genuinely unravel in the human experience as people of color? In many different ways, shapes, and forms, we all awaken at some point in our lives to the reality that this white supremacist world has preconceived notions of who we are, and who we should be.

Only in the past year I have become increasingly, outwardly aware and vocal about the racism that surrounds my life. It has been an interesting journey of awakening to see the extent of how much race affects many different aspects of the way I and other people of color are seen and treated in this world- and to see the reactions of people around me when I speak up about it.

One of the most disappointing aspects along this journey is realizing just how little to no space is created in social structures for the unheard voices, experiences, and dialogues of people of color.

So how do we unravel? How do we express these specific feelings of frustration, anger, and pain in a whitewashed world where there is seemingly no space for it to dwell?

Most, if not all my interactions regarding these feelings with the white population is met immediately with personally hurt responses soothing white guilt, tone policing, and absolutely no recognition of the fact that my anger towards racism is a legitimate and healthy response to how it truly suppresses my spirit, soul, and day to day life. Not to even begin to mention the fact that systrmatic racism has affected the lives of generations of people of color before me and will continue to affect generations of people of color after me.

Coming from Korean ancestry all the while living in an almost entirely white community in New Hampshire, my increasingly loud voice combating the blatant racism that surrounds me has ended friendships, created tensions between people I've known for years, and has caused this predominantly white area to paint me as excessively angry towards these issues to the point that I am a "white hater", that I am the racist, that I am the one perpetuating these separations between people.

With an ongoing lifelong battle fighting off the stereotypes thrown at me to be a submissive, quiet, docile, happily passive asian woman, my loud, abrasive, extroverted, strong personality is always met with shock and disapproval. Not only as a person of color with a submissive stereotype but also as a woman. Living in this white area in a white supremacist society I continually feel outcasted every time I speak up and stand up for myself and other people of color. I am outcasted even beyond my conscious level of awareness regardless if I am angry or not. Living in this white area I am absolutely sick of being seen as the one having a warped, angered perception on "race" when I am the one having strangers yell"konichiwa, china girl!" to me out of their cars driving by, and date men to only eventually find out they were essentially interested in me because of my "exotic asian beauty".

So how do we unravel? How do we exist and express ourselves without restraint in a white supremacist society?

We must continue to express our dialogues no matter how many people will try and write it for us. We cannot forget our disappointments but we must not let them decay us from the inside.  To truly care for ourselves on the deepest level, we need to keep watchful eyes open at all times, discerning of the people we choose to keep in our lives. We must take moments every day to replenish ourselves and our spirits, during this ruthless battle. Racism affects us mentally, physically, spiritually, generationally and beyond. We must remind ourselves every day, the extent of how important it is to maintain our dialogue. We must keep reminding ourselves that our feelings towards this racially oppressive system are crucial to be expressed without watering down for anybody's privileged comfort. The spaces for our expressions of anger and frustration as people of color were never socially created for us. We must create It ourselves through our relentless and vigilant voices. These are only just a few ways we can truly love ourselves, and unravel.

Diary: Suzi Analogue

From Uganda:
 

This is a journey that every positive move i've made in life has set me up for.  I'm going well into the middle of East Africa to instruct youth on how to build solid hip-hop productions, and represent the positive culture of hip-hop. There's not an ounce of struggle within this mission. It's basically heaven sent, based upon my soul's merit.
 

I approach every international trip I ever go on with the same level of chill - expect nothing, open your eyes to everything, never trip. Going in, my only fears were mosquitos and vaccines I had to take - both of which had the potential to throw my body off majorly. Oh yeah, and water - I had to remember I cannot drink it from the tap. Don't get caught slipping. There'd be a poopy price to pay.
 

I arrive to find Uganda to be a huge pot of vibes that make me remember what living life is truly about. Sienna roads, throngs of beautiful people, cows, goats and chickens walking freely on the streets with schoolgirls and mothers with swaddled babies to their bosom, preachers on the corner with bible in hand, calls to prayer booming out the masjid PA, dancehall playing everywhere…or sometimes random soundtracks like Set It Off.  Boda boda motor taxis that create traffic with passengers carrying groceries, mirrors, other children. Youth. Hella youth. I learn that over 70% of Uganda is under 30 years old. I look at this place and understand it as the future as a heavy admiration enters my heart.
 

Every strong feeling i've ever felt about US hoods, I feel here on the streets of Kampala - except that the hood in the States is mired in a shame that I can't find in Kampala. The people here are proud and purposeful. They are beautifully making the most of every thing they have available to them, and in my understanding of self-determination in the streets, that makes them all Gs. Surprisingly Ugandans are hella soft spoken. So much so, that I thought I was getting punked on so many occasions " Come again" became a regular phrase used, but the people were so sweet, they didn't mind catering a deaf, loud, American girl. Think though, if all the people speak quietly, how great they are at hearing  EVERYTHING. Even the way the wind blows.
 

There is a familiarity about the people, the customs, the streets and the root culture that I can draw connections to being raised in the American south. It's funny that Southern culture is downplayed in the grand scheme of the states - it is the most traditionally African in the context of US history, but I digress.
 

My students are the truth. Hip-hop is their basis and they are proud to rep it. They look for it to bring people together. Afrobeat music influences the sonic style. My beatmakers naturally are amazing at rhythm, duh. Rhythm controls life. Slow bpms aren't their thing. It means life is slow. Trap is a buzz word, but not a sought-after commodity. They want to make tracks people can spit to and move to that have feeling. Makes me realize our (US) need to slow the moments in music down isn't just an innovation, it's a sonic luxury - some cultures can't afford to slow the tempo. I played DJ Screw for my new Ugandan friend and he literally fell asleep. I'll always love Screw though.
 

There's so much more to say.
 

I took a boat ride on Lake Victoria on a Sunday at sunset. The lake that begins the Nile River. I'm forever in love. I can't tell you all.
 

Just watch and listen to the art that comes about.
 

Africa is not a place to fear or feel sorry for, only to love and respect with the utmost gratitude. It is, has, and always will be great.
xx+Suzi

Follow Suzi Analogue on Twitter,  Instagram & SoundCloud. 

Diary: Rahel

Lately, I’ve been thinking about the responsibility that comes with being an artist. It’s a big one, and I wish everybody would remember that. Perhaps I’m a little old school at heart and a little too serious about what my role is, but I think many of us have forgotten just how important our platforms are.

Before I decided to pursue music full-time, I was a Pre-kindergarten assistant teacher and it really, truly prepared me for everything I do now. As a teacher, every day was a performance of being calm, level-headed, commanding and in control of everything, regardless of whatever was going on in my personal life. My job was to teach little children to be empathetic, thoughtful, independent individuals - to imbue knowledge without imbuing your own perspectives, and to remember that however they choose to digest it is up to them and out of your control. That, at the end of the day, you’re a passing vessel of information in their lives and they’ll probably forget about you in a few years, but whatever legacy you leave behind as a teacher - how to tie your shoes, how to write your name, how to share with your friends - are all lessons they could potentially find useful for the rest of their lives. It’s an (almost) selfless, under-appreciated role, but it’s essential.

This was my experience for three years prior to singing, and I plan on using the same approach to what I do now. Being an artist has given me an opportunity to express myself in a way that was stifled in my former role, but I don’t want to forget my foundation. My experience has grounded me and made me so conscious to the kind of effect I, and other artists in my position, could potentially have on people. It’s not just about me and my own needs, but what I can do for, and how I relate to others. Cliché, I know, but there’s truth to it. We live in a world where we can be so preoccupied by our own immediate needs that we forget just how important it is to be concerned with the well-being of those around us. And as an artist I waver, consumed with my own self-expression and self-satisfaction. But that’s not why I want to be here.

I’m here to be responsible for myself and my peers. And I plan to do just that.

Photo: Cyle Suesz

Rahel is a New York-based singer. Follow her on Twitter, Instagram and listen to her debut project, Alkali, on SoundCloud. 
 

Diary: Geneviève Mame Kodou Dieng

From True Laurels: The Overseas Issue. The zine will be available in our online shop Monday, April 20th. 

Genevieve Mame Kodou Dieng

I just got my graphic designer diploma. I’m half French, half Senegalese. I always had a passion for drawing and never stopped since I was able to hold a pen and express myself on a piece of paper. I love how it always let’s me capture moments and the faces of life. One of my largest influences comes from the comics universe. I've always been fascinated by drawers like Druillet, Moebius and Crumb. My work reflects these influences both in my pictures and drawings. I just spent a month in Senegal doing a documentary on my family. What’s important for me is to share my work as it is made of the people for the people.

GMKD is my artist name : Geneviève Mame Kodou Dieng. I promised my dad to never forget my African roots so I have put my African name on my nickname! I love Martian stories, and stories about space, that’s why my emblem is a spaceship. For me, people like Erykah Badu, Sun Ra, Bad Brains, Funkadelics, The Cramps, Sex Pistols, The Specials, and so many more are kind of comics characters for me. That’s why I love to  find special people for my pictures. People who remind me of a comic world!

Senegal is fantastic for that because everybody reflects the sun and it shines in their smiles. Everyday I was so happy to see happiness and colors, especially for the spectacular pink and orange natural light flashing from the sunset.

I’ve taken a special interest in religion in Dakar These souls or these mystic spirits, demonstrations (appearances) of the deceased or animal divinities, can act on the tangible world...in a beneficial way or not. It is thus advisable to dedicate worship to them. So by definition: faith in the soul and in the future life, correlatively, faith in guiding divinities and subordinate spirits; it can characterize extremely diverse societies, situated on all the continents.

I’m a total fanatic of Japanese artists like Takeshi Kitano, Hayao Miyazaki, Suehiro Maruo, Wong Kar Wai and Katsuhiro Ōtomo as well. I love how they put a lot of colors with all this beautiful perfection. Since I was born I always dreamt to be a nice witch and fly on the GMKDIZ (my imaginary world). One day I will jump on my drawing and I will fly into the page of all the comics from this world!

All photos are taken by Genevieve Mame Kodou Dieng, a French-Senegalese multidisciplinary artist. Follow her on Instagram.

Diary: 3lON

02.11.15

*OPENING THOUGHTS*

IT’S HARD TO FIND A GOOD PEN. THE SMOOTHER THE INK FLOW, THE MORE FLUENT MY IDEAS.

“THE CITY LIGHTS FORCED THE STARS INTO HIDING”

*INTRODUCTION*

I’LL TRY DO THIS WITHOUT GETTING ALL IYANLA VANZANT (IF THATS HOW YOU SPELL IT) ABOUT SHIT

*PAUSE*

I WANT ALL THE READERS TO LOG ONTO YOUTUBE AND TYPE IN “WAKE UP BITCH, YO BABY DADDY AIN’T SHIT”

*CONTINUE*

SO I DON’T WANT TO CALL THIS A DIARY BECAUSE I FEEL LIKE I CAN THINK OF SOMETHING MORE DRAMATIC.

“THE CHRONICLES OF A SPACE CADET”

HOPEFULLY THIS RECORDING OF MY DAILY ACCOUNTS CAN LEAD TO SOME SELF IMPROVEMENT..

I FELT LIKE THAT WAS GOOD LEEWAY FOR MY NEXT IDEA.

I FIGURED I SHOULD COMPOSE A LIST OF THINGS THAT I SHOULD KEEP IN MIND IN EVERYDAY LIFE AND FOR THE FUTURE:

*SIDENOTE*

I FIND I CAN'T WRITE AS FAST AS I TYPE

*BACK TO THE LIST THO*

-KEEP ALL PHOTOS UNTOUCHED. OUR IMPERFECTIONS ARE WHAT SEPARATE US AS INDIVIDUALS

-CLEAN YOUR LAUNDRY WEEKLY. FLYING FREEBIRD IN A -10 CHILL IS  NO BUENO.

-REMEMBER THE NAMES OF PEOPLE YOU MEET/NETWORK WITH

*SIDE NOTE*

THIS MAY REQUIRE A DECREASE IN WEED/ALCOHOL INTAKE

-DRINK MORE WATER. THIS WILL KILL YOUR FEARS OF SUDDEN DEATH AND CRYSTALIZE YOUR URINE.

-BRUSH YOUR TEETH.  GINGIVITIS FUCKS UP YOUR GUM TO TOOTH RATIO.

-SAVE UP FOR A CLOSET FULL OF SAMOS JUMPSUITS  

-LEARN MORE BRITISH SLANG

-STAY HUMBLE 

*REMINDER*

THERE IS NO SUCH THING AS “MAKING IT”. YOU SHOULD NEVER REACH A PRIME. YOU CAN ALWAYS GROW AND LEARN NEW SHIT. ART ESPECIALLY HAS NO LIMITS!

I SHOULD PROBABLY REFLECT ON MY DAY AND ITS HIGHLIGHT MOMENTS. I ATE THIS DANK ASS PEANUT BUTTER AND BANANAS SANDWICH.

IS IT SAD THAT I CAN’T SPELL THE WORD BANANAS WITH SAYING IT IN "HOLLERBACK GIRL" VOICE?

ANYWAYS, I ALSO PURCHASED THESE SLEEK ASS SHADES FROM SOME BEAUTY SUPPLY STORE. I’VE BEEN GETTING LAURENCE FISBOURNE COMPARISONS ALL DAY. 

TWO IS ALL I CAN MUSTER UP WHILE OUT OF ORBIT …”AND THATS FOR THAT NOW” *BLU CANTRELL VOICE*

02.12.15

WHY DO HUMANS FEEL MORE COMPASSIONATE WHEN ANOTHER HUMAN DIES OPPOSED TO AN ANIMAL? WHAT GIVES HUMANS SUCH ENTITLEMENT TO CONSIDER OURSELVES THE SUPREME RACE? ANIMALS GET EUTHANIZED SOMETIMES JUST FOR TAKING UP SPACE IN A SHELTER OR SOME SHIT. YOU DON’T KILL PRISONERS BECAUSE JAILS ARE OVERPOPULATED. HUMANS FEEL ENTITLED TO EAT WHATEVER FORM OF FLESH THEY DESIRE. IF A HUMAN WAS TO EAT ANOTHER HUMAN IT WOULD BE FROWNED DOWN UPON! HUMANS CAN DESTROY, EXAMINE, DEVOUR WHATEVER LIFE FORM WE WANT BUT IF THE SHOE WERE ON THE OTHER FOOT WE’D PROLLY BAND TOGETHER AND GET ALL MILITANT AND SHIT.

FOR THE PAST TWO WEEKS I’VE BEEN WAKING UP AS EARLY AS 5/6AM. 

HALF THE TIME MY SLEEP IS DISRUPTED BY MY GRANDMOTHER SHUFFLING DISHES AROUND IN THE SINK AND SHE CLEANS THEM FIRST THING IN THE MORNING

THE OTHER HALF IS HAS BEEN MY BROTHER WIRE AS HE CHANGES THE GUAZE KEEPING HIS PRESSURE ULCERS DRY

IT’S BEEN THIS WAY SINCE MY FAMILY MOVED BACK INTO MY GRANDMOTHERS MINIATURE BEDROOM APARTMENT. NOW WE'RE FORCED TO BE IN EACH OTHER'S FACES AND SPACES UNTIL FURTHER NOTICE. WHEN I WAKE UP I GO TO THE BATHROOM AND I SIT ON THE TOILET FOR A FEW HOURS WITH HOT WATER RUNNING, THAT’S THE ONLY TIME I CAN BE ALONE WITH MY OWN THOUGHTS WITHOUT BEING MICRO MANAGED BY MY FAMILY MEMBERS. THIS WAY I CAN MEDITATE IN MY MAKESHIFT SAUNA. THIS IS ME TRYING TO EVADE WINTER'S ANNUAL MELANCHOLY. THIS COLD ISN’T HELPING MUCH. I CAN FEEL MYSELF SLIPPING IN AND OUT OF DEPRESSION.

I’VE BEEN SMOKING MORE THAN USUAL. MY BROTHERS BEEN JUUGIN SO HE’S BEEN HAVING WEED TO SPARE. THE FIRST QUESTION HE ASKS ME WHEN I WAKE UP IS IF I CAN GET US A RELLO. IN THAT MOMENT I REGRET PICKING UP THE HABIT.

*QUICK QUESTION*

DON’T YOU JUST HATE WHEN YOU CUT YOUR NAILS TOO SHORT? IT HURTS TO GRAB ANYTHING WITH YOUR FINGERTIPS.

EVERY MILESTONE I REACH WITH MY ART FORCES ME TO REFLECT ON ALL THE TIMES I FELT DISCOURAGED. WHEN PEOPLE TOLD ME NO ONE WOULD UNDERSTAND MY ARTISTIC DIRECTION. THERE WERE MOMENTS WHEN MY FAMILY LOST HOPE IN MY CREATIVITY.

02.13.15

STUCK IN A RESTLESS HAZE. I REGISTERED FOR CLASSES SO THAT I CAN GET THAT REFUND CHECK OF THE REMAINING FINANCIAL AID MONEY! AS SOON AS THE CLASS BEGAN I INSTANTLY REGRETTED EVEN SIGNING UP FOR IT. I THINK MY “FUCK THIS” SETTING IS STUCK ON AUTOMATIC.

LAST NIGHT I GOT TO CHILL WITH SOME COOL ASS KIDS, AND IT’S PERFECT BECAUSE I’VE BEEN FEELING IGNORED BY THE FRIENDS I THOUGHT I WAS CLOSEST WITH. EVERYBODY'S LIVES ARE SO FAKE HECTIC. MAYBE I’M GETTING BORING TO PEOPLE. I HAVE MOMENTS WHEN I QUESTION HOW ENTERTAINING I AM TO BE AROUND. 

*SIDE NOTE*

ALMOST READY TO BUY MY TICKET TO LA! I MAY NOT COME BACK.

02.19.15

IT’S BEEN A FEW DAYS SINCE I’VE LAST WRITTEN AND SO MUCH HAS BEEN GOING ON. I’VE BEEN RECEIVING MESSAGES FROM ARTISTS WANTING TO COLLABORATE, THIS EXCITES AND SCARES ME ALL AT ONCE. THIS EXCITES ME BECAUSE THIS MEANS THINGS ARE PICKING UP MOMENTUM. AND I WANT PEOPLE TO FUCK WITH WHAT I’M DOING LOW KEY.

OK SO VALENTINES DAY SOME FRIENDS OF MINE HAD A POTLUCK. IT WAS PRETTY CHILL EXCEPT FOR THE FACT THAT THEY KEPT REFERRING TO ME AS THEIR “GIRLFRIEND”, WHICH I DON’T LIKE. THIS ISN’T THE FIRST TIME EITHER. I’VE LET IT GO ON FOR TOO LONG.MY PEERS ARE STARTING TO LOOK AT ME FUNNY AND I DON’T BLAME THEM. ONCE MY FRIEND CALLED ME ONE OF HIS GIRLS BEFORE A LARGE AUDIENCE OF PEOPLE, THIS MADE ME SAD LOL.

GRANT IS GOING THROUGH SOME FAMILY ISSUES AND TAKING A HIATUS FROM MUSIC, LEAVING ME WITHOUT SOMEONE WILLING TO PLAY MY MUSIC WITH ME. AND I CAN’T BE LIKE “FUCK YOUR PROBLEMS AND COME DO MUSIC WITH ME”. AT THE SAME TIME I DON’T KNOW HOW LONG I CAN WAIT FOR HIM. SOME DAY SOON THE TEAM IS GONNA HAVE TO HAVE A TEAM MEETING.

02.20.15

*QUICK QUESTION*

ISN’T FUNNY HOW ASH CATCHEMS LAST NAME IS CATCH ‘EM? HIS WHOLE EXISTENCE REVOLVES AROUND CATCHING POKEMON. WHO ELSE KNEW THAT HIS VOICE WAS PLAYED BY SOME MIDDLE AGED WHITE WOMAN?

IT’S ALWAYS FUNNY WHEN AN ARTIST DECIDES TO EXPRESS HOW THEY DON’T LIKE ANOTHER ARTIST'S WORK TO THEIR FACE. THERES NO PROPER WAY OF DOING THIS. THERE’S AN ASPIRING DIRECTOR THAT I KNOW THROUGH MUTUAL FRIENDS THAT TOLD MY BEST FRIEND (ALSO A DIRECTOR) THAT HE MAKES “GAY SHIT”. THIS TOOK PLACE JUST DAYS AFTER COMPLEMENTING ME FOR THE VIDEO THAT ME AND MY FRIEND COLLABORATED ON TOGETHER. PHONY OPPORTUNISTS.

*RANDOM QUESTION*

WHY DO HUMANS ASSOCIATE CATTY, BACKSTABBING BEHAVIOR WITH WOMEN? WHY IS IT OK FOR WOMEN TO BE CATTY AND BACKSTABBING BUT NOT A MAN? WHY DO WEMON GET A FREE PASS TO BE ASSHOLES SO OFTEN? WHY DO WE MAKE THEM OUT TO BE THESE OVERLY EMOTIONAL CREATURES? BEING A BAD PERSON ISN’T A GOOD LOOK FOR ANYONE.

WHY DO WOMEN LOOK FOR MEN WITH TOUGH EXTERIORS WITHOUT A CLUE AS TO HOW TO MAKE THEM DROP THEIR DEFENSES? WHY ARE MEN SUPPOSED TO BE DISCONNECTED FROM THEIR EMOTIONS? WHAT MODEL OF MAN ARE WE MODELING OURSELVES AFTER? I CAN’T STAND HEARING A CHICK COMPLAIN ABOUT NOT BEING FELT OR HEARD. WHOLE TIME YOU HAVE SOME BULLSHIT IMAGE IN YOUR HEAD OF WHAT A MAN SHOULD BE, AND THAT’S HALF THE BATTLE.

WHY HAVE WE SET UNREALISTIC SOCIAL STANDARDS FOR HUMANS TO ABIDE BY? THERE SHOULD BE NO HIERARCHY OF CLASS, NO FIGHT FOR CIVIL RIGHT. WE’VE BEEN TRYING TO MASK OUR TRUE NATURE SINCE CREATION LOL

IN OTHER NEWS, MY WEED MAN IS GETTING CLOSER TO SOLVING THE CASE OF THE ROBBERY THAT TOOK PLACE AT HIS HOUSE WHEN HE WAS OUT OF TOWN LAST HALLOWEEN.WHAT HE DOESN’T KNOW IS THAT A FORMER FRIEND OF MINE DID IT. THE ONLY REASON I HAVEN’T TOLD HIM IS BECAUSE I DON’T FEEL COMFORTABLE RUNNING MY MOUTH OFF. I JUST FEEL SOMEWHAT SHITTY BECAUSE I’VE BEEN BECOMING PRETTY CHILL WITH MY WEED MAN, HE SMOKES ME UP AND LOOKS OUT ON THE WEED ALL THE TIME. AFTER MY (FORMER) FRIEND HELD MY WEED MAN’S GIRLFRIEND UP AT KNIFE POINT HE’S BEEN SUSPECTING ME LOW KEY. WHAT HE DOESN’T KNOW IS THAT I HAD TO CUT THE ACTUAL CULPRIT LOOSE. I CAN’T HAVE SHIESTY PEOPLE IN MY PREMISES. APPARENTLY, HE WAS WAITING ON VIDEO FOOTAGE AND IT FINALLY RETURNED. NOW HE'S QUESTIONING MY ACTUAL FRIEND, WHO HAS LITTLE INVOLVEMENT WITH THIS WHOLE THING, BUT HE’S GETTING CLOSER FOR SURE. AND HE’S HELL BENT ON FINDING OUT WHO FINESSED HIM OUT OF A PS3.

Diary: Al Rogers

From True Laurels Volume 2

Photo: Keem Griffey

Days seem longer when you broke but when the money flows time flies, spend a little bit and have fun, right? It's a 50/50 chance with me every single cent goes to my music but when you haven't mastered your craft sometimes even your passion can be frustrating. I remember growing up my brothers had me in this fiend’s house in Essex. I might’ve been 14-15 and although it's just hitting me, they were serving and had me in a crack house--the experience was real. My mother tried keeping me away from trouble as much as possible coming up and all I could think about was a dollar. Sometimes we reflect and learn from those who we love and I can recall looking up to my brothers until I found some sense. Until this day I still have a major respect for them they let me know at a early age life isn't always easy and not to let my mother spoil me and give me a foolish notion. Hell, I just got the message from my homie Lb to give y'all this piece I guess the cop cars outside my window inspired it who knows why or who they're out there for. I talk to my boy Ryan a lot about what moves would be wise to take so that I can prosper, one thing he said that hit home was that I should leave Baltimore as much as possible to share my message. Isn't it so easy to lose faith? And finding hope can be underwhelming but when you know your direction I guess the work you put in will help guide you. These are all tangent thoughts so forgive me if I'm like a bouncing dodge ball in closed quarters; maybe not the eat analogy but fuck it. In the year 2013 I said some things I'd accomplish that I didn't although some things came surprisingly and this year has still been one of the better years since I started this journey. I had a misconception of what fear was but now I truly understand the idea of fear not existing. So failure doesn't get under my skin like it once did I'll get to where I'm going regardless of the time it takes. Hey I found love this year as well it's been a pretty rough couple of months but worth it when someone inspires you to make pretty awesome fucking songs as a musician they're definitely a keeper haha. I'm not the best with this whole love thing. The few times I've tried it’s bit me in the ass. Those playboy days have been numbered before they started. Yo I hate to sound corny but my mama tells me I am all the time so don't mind me, btw mama is what I call my shorty. You know when you close the door on one issue another one always presents itself and the second I lost sight of fear a new problem arises—"anxiety " I'm at odds with that fucking word. It's not about time though, it's about me being anxious to find the right sound for this next project because right now it's good but it's everywhere. I'll get on top of that though before y'all mothafuckers even read this. My mother has had me on some real grind mode shit lately she got me this little part time gig with the MTA so I can continue paying for my music she supports my dream 100% now that's love. Growing up my family called me Baby Al because I am the youngest and well I'm a Jr. That will also be the name of the next project "BABY AL" It got a ring to it right?

paying tribute to two of my favorite's dru-hill and andre 3000. Tellme D/L link: http://www.mediafire.com/download/yybukahohnbe1tl/Tellme_Prod._Uncle_Flex.mp3 Tellme Lyrics on Rapgenius: http://rapgenius.com/Al-rogers-tellme-lyrics#lyric

Follow Al Rogers on Twitter: @ALROGERSJR

Diary: Buffa7o

From True Laurels Volume 4:

Photo: Keem Griffey

Sometimes I sit and think to myself "am I so great?" or does everything suck so much that I'm able to feel this way.

I digress, but I am never put at ease with everyone's onslaughts to be the most original. I find happiness in the smaller and sometimes the finer things of life. Despite my poisoned mind, standoffish personality and attachment to individualism, older people I've met say I give off a hippie vibe. Also due to the massive amounts of marijuana I smoked up, earning me the name Leafy Lo. I started this whole rap experience by jacking for beats and making homemade video recordings of me spitting on Facebook. My friend Curtis discovered these ancient artifacts, passing them on to BlackZheep Dz thus earning me a spot with the 7th Floor Villains. Prior to these recent events I grew up all through Baltimore moving every school year due to my mother's financial instability. This caused the streets to claim me for its own, transforming my promising potential into probable potential.

All in all, I live and lived my life vicariously through others while still playing my vital position. I hate hate hate an unjustified hater so for those who hate with no debate for goodness sake consolidate!

- Buffa7o

Here's a new cut from BuffaLo's EP set to release this Fall, titled, 'Genesis'.

Follow Buffa7o on Twitter: @Buffa70

Diary: The GTW

From True Laurels Volume 4:

Photo: Ryan Lyons

Days seem to blur together for me, not having a traditional job takes it's toll on me when it comes to time management. Most days i'm pretty busy working on what I need to do for my career, and other days I push stuff off because I realize that everything I do is on "my time." It's not a good habit and it's something that i need help breaking.

When I was a bit younger creating was way more fun most of the time than it is now. Now, it's fun only 75% of the time, which isn't bad but that other 25% contains procrastination, doubt, fear of my life, and a nagging girl who requires of me more attention paid to her. I'm finally at that stage of my artistry where one step on the ladder towards what I see as success for myself isn't celebrated like some super bowl party. True, I'm not used to having drunk goth chicks, online feminist, prepsters and hood chicks mingling together at my shows. I was more used to either or, separately. Seeing this clash is really cool and it gives me confidence that if I do whatever it is that I like, peeps would dig it.

Chigeria, umm, what can I say about this? It's definitely the name of my upcoming album and It's definitely a clash of everything i'm going through right now. My Jolly boy, Edgy Boy, Innocent boy sides all rolled into this global mix of sounds and feels. My family members somewhat smirk at the term "Chigeria" since I wasn't as enthusiastic about my background as I am now. Being a caramel skinned Nigerian in Chicago with the name James King growing up Honestly was a bit easy. I didn't experience much name calling or teasing about my name like most of my fellow Naijamericans did. ( yes, i'm just making up words here).

I pretty much just skated through grade school like a head arse with my Phat Farm jeans and Rocawear track jacket completely oblivious to the fact that the culture i had at home was pretty cool (even though i lived in Nigeria all of 5th grade). It wasn't until my freshman year in High school where I developed some type of genuine tolerance and pride in who I am. I started my first job at Abercrombie and met the coolest Sri Lankan kids ever, They were like speaking their language openly which I think was called Sinhala. I was pretty much like "F - IT " after experience that whole other world outside of my school. I started coming to class wearing abercrombie jeans with air force ones and west african print shirts on occasion. It was tacky, but fun. I spent my whole 4 years in High school experimenting with whatever I was into at the moment, sonically and aesthetically.

It pretty much shaped me up to be who I am today, A full time musician that draws and plays dream league soccer on my iPhone during my free time. I also tried to apply to Home Depot for some spring cash but I haven't heard back from them yet. Hopefully they hit me up before I head on tour this fall or something. <3

Photo: Ryan Lyons

Follow The GTW on Twitter- @THEGTW

Diary: Chrissy Vasquez

From True Laurels Volume 4:

 Photo: Keem Griffey

Today I realize that I'm not like many people. As I've been told my entire life by many people. I'm similar to my music, my music is me. Different...astranged...created off earth. Where ever I go, my music goes with me. Journeys written into a melodic tune. It flows in my head through times of melancholy and when I feel joy it takes off into my body. Wave length. Taking off in to outer space. Let me go so I can free my mind. I swing my maschete full of treble cleffs, eight notes, do...re....me's...fa's...and sorrows. I'll blow you away baby, blow you away. Chrissy Vasquez. That's what they call me. I smile. As well, I'm hesitant. As I step on stage. The tune plays, I sway my hips and range my vocals with my hand. Strange voice. Numb and glazed. They didn't expect this, did they? Capturing pictures of the essence. Fifteen minutes...only fifteen minutes. Fifteen fucking minutes.

As they applauded, the noise filled up the room. The smell of drunk, the smell of fucked up...I still smelt a scent of love.

Love is universol. Love is all you need.

...

I grew up...without love. I grew up, with heartaches. The house on Rogers Ave, living bottom under the crack addict on top of us. I struggled. I've seen more than you think. You'd think the only thing I'd be witnessing in a child stage is the frog pad, and cartoon figures on the televsion screen. I knew what guns were before I even seen one, I knew what fear was because I scent it. I knew what pain was. It was all around me. Mami don't cry, I will protect you. The cops knocked the door down...

Love...love.........it's out here. Mami...do you hear me? Love...love.

He blacks out.

Follow Chrissy Vasquez on Twitter: @CHRISSYVSQZ

Diary: Schwarz

Baltimore-based producer and DJ, Schwarz will be spinning at this month's KAHLON and just had his new video and song, "Open Up Yr Mind" premiere over at Noisey. Check out his diary entry from True Laurels Volume 3 below and be sure to follow him on Soundcloud! 

February 26, 2014

Even though the music i make and public image I keep up is overwhelmingly positive, I know for sure one thing: life is really hard. Everyone has their own individual struggles. I know I struggle a lot. Money is a constant worry for me and I'm always questioning my "lifestyle" of being a weird artist and not "growing up" and getting a "real job" or whatever. This is all on top of miscellaneous kind of struggles we all face with our work and our families and loved ones. 

Music has always been the thing I've turned to as an artist and a fan to make sense of this world, feel good and learn to relax about whatever problems I have. This is a pretty universal thing. I think for most people, one of the primary functions of music is more or less an escape and a release. 

This is partly why I connect so much with the music of Lil B and his #Based ideology. Sometimes a positive or important message is right at the forefront of his tracks. Other times, often like in his more silly like "bad" songs, the message is more to forget about the pain in the world momentarily and feel good about yourself. You know, "swag" "woop" etc.., sometimes it feels good to goof off and just feel confident. 

I want to make music where people have a similar feeling I have with Basedgod's music. Where people really connect, and they can come away with a positive experience. Having emotion in your music and connecting to people and making them "feel some kind of way" is what I think is most important. Hopefully my music can be a therapy session of sorts for me and for my listeners. 

 A lot of the people who are critical of my music think that I am being insincere or ironic somehow because of how I come across. Feeling good to me is really serious and it's not a joke. There is no irony or joke or even "winking" in the art that I do. I really truly believe all people are beautiful and should believe in themselves, and even through rough patches when you are feeling down, it is important to remember life is beautiful and things always get better. 

So I may question myself all the time "Why am I doing this?" "What is wrong with me?" etc etc. But I know really that what I am doing is important and I can feel good about it, even though I am a weirdo and I might come off as corny or crazy or "ironic" or whatever else people want to think. Sometimes it is really important just to do you. Lets live life. Let's Love.

MUCH LOVE ALWAYZ

Diary: HI$TO

HI$TO is one of the more well-versed producers in Baltimore right now. Originally from Houston, he's immersed himself into the city's underground electronic and rap scenes where he's produced for collectives like 7th Floor Villains and last month at KAHLON, he completely ripped his DJ set. Last month he also contributed to True Laurels Vol. 3, as he touched on his journey as an artist and looked back on SWSW 2013. Read the full entry below and check HI$TO's SoundCloud. 

March 11, 2014

Yo, you know the cool thing about spirit? When you truly listen to it, destined things happen. I moved to Baltimore from Houston after graduating high school with pursuing my music career burning deep in my spirit. There were some, even people closest to me, that couldn’t understand my actions and grind (some still to this day). But I remained true to myself and where my spirit guided me. 

I’ve been around here almost 4 years and I’ve experienced a lot acting out on this journey. From countless studio sessions to DJ gigs I got, and deal-ing with different artists. Living here pursuing this dream sharpened me all around from the good and sometimes crazy situations I been in. Some people said they didn’t believe in me, some flaked, some faded away, and some stayed down. But now after some time and a more conscious mindset, it’s seems the right people have been placed in my life in the craziest ways.

March  2013  I  went  to  go  visit  Houston  for  SXSW  in  Austin.  Everyone I planned on going with flaked most of the week and I really wanted to go. The night before I sat down and thought about going alone. I didn’t have enough for a place to crash there over night and I thought staying on the streets would be risky. I woke up the next morning and it was burning in my heart to just go so I bought my MegaBus ticket for noon and got my mom to drop me off at the station. As I boarded this guy already seated instantly gave me a CD and said he rapped. I sat across from him and said I produced. There was another guy boarding that over heard me saying that and asked what type of stuff. I told him I was pretty versatile. He sat in front of me then he asked if I knew a producer named “Juke Ellington.” I said I had a homie in DC that just did a remix for him and he said the same, plus he runs a Juke collective in Chicago. His name was Rashad. 

From  that  point  we  exchanged  SoundClouds,  listened  to  each  other’s sounds, talked about the events going on and ended up teaming up the whole night in Austin hitting up events. We ran into so many positive people together and went on a random adventure after everything ended. Next afternoon on the way back on the Megabus, we kept talking until I figured out he lived 5 minutes from where I was staying in Houston. Rashad and I kept hanging while I was in town. We made music, discussed ideas, and kept building. In January we put out a huge mixtape called Juke World Order that’s been featured on Rewd Bull, Do Androids Dance, FACT Mag and more. 

Crazy experience but I went where my spirit led me to. Ever since, I’ve gotten to meet more people who are really down and positive. These people show love, keep me motivated and do positive things together. We’ve gotten far doing what we do. Not just for ourselves, but what the universe destined us to do. I’ve come a long way and I’m seeing how things are getting better for myself and the people I surround myself with. We still have a way to go but persistence is the key. So if you have a vision or passion burning in your heart, just go for it and don’t be afraid to find your full potential. Life’s short. So what do you have to lose when you could gain the whole time? Peace. 

Diary: Neuport

I met producer and DJ, Neuport around the time of January's KAHLON. He came down to DJ that night, played a great set and kicked it in Baltimore for a little while. We stayed in touch and I eventually asked him to submit a diary for True Laurels Vol. 3. He sent it to me within days and, because of Neuport's transparency, it's one of my favorite True Laurels diaries, to date. Read the full entry below. 

Thursday Night / 11:28pm / March 7, 2014

I'm smoking a newport and looking down at Bushwick Ave from my 4th floor Brooklyn apartment. The air is cold coming in from the open window. My stomach hurts. My boy, Tony bought me dinner tonight, Indian food. I wanted to get the most of my one good meal of the day. The feeling in your gut when you've ate too much food feels similar to anxiety. I know that feeling well. I've always physically felt anxiety in my stomach. Its a sensation that I hate. The sensation that heroin and pills always took away.

I haven’t used heroin in years now. It almost killed me. It did kill me. I woke up in the back of an ambulance one summer night, in a grocery store parking lot. "Woke up" to the medics asking me if I knew my name. It took me a moment. I was drenched in sweat and the front of my t-shirt was cut from top to bottom, exposing my chest. They cut my shirt open to resuscitate me. The lady medic told me I was purple and not breathing when they arrived. I had OD'd in my car and somehow had the sense to get out right away. As soon as I opened the car door everything turned black. Someone saw me fall in the parking lot and called 911. I can say for certain that if I didn't open my door and get out of my car I wouldn't be here right now.

At the time I didn’t see this as a blessing. Now I do. I was pretty miserable after the incident. I was facing some pretty major legal charges and my family wanted to send me to a treatment center in Minnesota. I eventually obliged. If I thought I had bad anxiety before, I was in for a rude awakening. One thing about being sober is you don't have those tools you once had to cope. Those tools that worked. Not having control of your emotions is very real. Learning to deal with these emotions is a struggle. Someone asked me a question that helped me a lot with this process, “What made you happy before you started using drugs?”.

As a kid I always loved music, skateboarding, and drawing. It wasn't exactly easy to just jump back into but I knew it what I had to do. Somehow I got linked up with some pretty like minded people going through the same shit that I was. Its crazy to look back now and see what some of us have accomplished. For others its a revolving door of jail, drugs, sickness, and treatment. Others have sadly passed since. For me, I had a second chance to do something different. Sometimes it's easy to forget this. I have to remind myself now and then.

My anxiety hasn't gone away but facing anxiety and fears is the best way to overcome. If you're scared to do something, do it. You realize it's all in your head. You move forward. You have nothing to lose, only so much to gain.